Blessings

I think most people that know me even a little bit know that my (short) career in teaching never left me feeling totally fulfilled and at peace. It was always a bit of a mystery since I did enjoy it (for the most part), I was trained and prepared to be a teacher, and I received a lot of confirmation that I was a good teacher. I always felt a little bit in turmoil that while I trusted that I was following God's will for my life at the time that I was teaching I still felt unsettled. I guessed that it was an "assignment" for a time, but maybe was not where God would have me long term. (And who knows what He holds for the future...I won't even go there.)

This last fall while I was pregnant there were times I wondered about our decision for me to stay home full-time. I wondered if that nagging unsettledness would stick around, making me question if I had really understood God's direction for my life or had missed the boat somewhere.

Well, Cora will be three months old tomorrow and 9 days out of 10 I love, LOVE with every fiber of my being, being her mama and spending my days caring for her and adoring her. I also love that staying home means I'm able to spend more time with Brad, run an errand for him, meet a friend to walk at the park, and keep up on housework happily instead of a little bit begrudged because of being tired after a full week of work. (I admit, I'm somewhat of a homebody. I can spend a lot of time at home doing this and that with out getting bored.)

We feel so blessed that I am able to stay home - that our church provides health insurance and a fair wage for Brad. Speaking of the health insurance, I must share that in the end everything has worked out wonderfully. Since we have a high deductible health plan (and I mean HIGH - someone said to me they have a HDHP with a deductible of $500...try that times 20!) we were prepared to take out a considerably large loan to pay for all the bills associated with Cora's birth. In the end the bill was half of what we expected it to be and our health savings account covered three-fourths of it. We had enough in our own savings account to cover the rest and still have savings left! I admit that there were times I worried way more than I should have about how it would all work out, but again God has provided beyond what we imagined or hoped for.

So back to the original topic, I not only feel contented, settled and at peace with my place in life but I also enjoy it more than I ever imagined possible. And that 1 day out of 10 when I don't love being a mom with every fiber of my being, well, I still like it - I'm just tired out, confused because Cora's being unexplainable fussy or I've gagged one too many times changing her stinky diapers. Or it's a day where I fight the mental/emotional battle against worry - worry that I'm doing things right, etc. But 1 day out of 10 isn't too bad, I'd say. I'm thankful that I not only enjoy staying home with Cora, but that I'm able to stay home with her.

Side note to future mothers - getting through the first 6-8 weeks is key. I'd say I still enjoyed motherhood then, but it definitely became more fun these last 4 or 5 weeks for two main reasons. 1) She's interactive and responsive with personality really starting to come out and 2) I feel like I know what I'm doing more than before. I can anticipate what she needs better, understand her signals better and I'm not so shaken by a little bit of crying or fussiness like I could be in the earlier weeks.

This is way too long. Congrats to any who made it all the way to the end!