Would I have picked you off the shelf?

I can't give credit to who said this...I was flipping through radio stations in the car a few weeks ago and listened to a short portion of a talk show. I think they were talking about family relationships on a Christian station. I don't really know.

But I can't get this phrase out of my head.

A while back I bought a shirt and took it home, cut off the tags, threw them away and hung it up in my closet. I loved the shirt in the store and couldn't wait to wear it to a special evening out in a few nights. Until I noticed the hole. There was a hole in my brand new shirt! The tags were out in the garbage dump by then, AND I couldn't find the receipt! I was stuck with this shirt. How unfair! It's brand new - I should be able to return it and get what I really want!  And there are 30 more similar but flawless shirts on the store shelf, walking out the door to other patron's homes!

We live in a consumer-driven society. We like choice. Some of us like variety. Others of us like the same-old, same-old. But the truth is that we all like having the power to choose; the freedom to discern for ourselves what we think would be best for us. We don't want to be handed our destiny and told to live with it. Or worse, to like it. Assigned groups in school? No, thank you. Arranged marriages? Ha! No way!

On top of having the power to choose the big and small details of our life, don't we also enjoy being able to return damaged goods and get a refund or a replacement? Isn't it nice knowing that we can change our minds once we get home and decide that that shirt or pair of shoes doesn't actually fit very well, or the color wasn't quite what you thought it was while in the store? Isn't it empowering to discard the undesirable item and get all your investment back, and then continue to shop and find something better? Aren't product guarantees wonderful?

But what about people...The phrase keeps going through my head. "Would I have picked you off the shelf?" What happens when we think we do "pick" the people in our lives, and how do we react when we inevitably discover flaw after flaw? Do we treat people and relationships like merchandise? How should we look at the people God has placed in our lives (even the people we think we chose)? 

I admit, I've been disappointed before. God had placed people in my life that, had he asked me, I initially would have said, "No, thanks, not them. That's not what I'm looking for, not what I want right now. They won't fit the bill."  It's a good thing God doesn't often ask us.

The change came for me when I stopped thinking about what I was going to get (or not get) out of this relationship or how that person would (fail to) meet my needs. I was looking at people like how I go shopping: does it meet my needs? does it benefit me and bring me enjoyment?

At first I just stopped thinking like that. I stopped being disappointed and just accepted that our paths crossed (a lot) and, well...Oh well. It wasn't bad, by any means, just not exactly how I would have designed it myself.

Then I started seeing that they might have actually felt the same way about me. Maybe they met me and thought, "I sure wouldn't have picked her off the shelf." But there we were, putting up with each other.

Then I opened up to the possibility that maybe God put me in their life for their benefit, for some obscure way that I might actually meet a need for them.

Or...(more likely) for this sole humbling purpose: my own growth.

In the end things were good. It turned into a friendship. Best friends? Life-long? Maybe not. But worth it.

So when I heard the woman on the radio say that we consumerists assess people like we do merchandise, I knew what she was talking about. It was a good reminder.

Let's change that question from "Would I have picked you off the shelf?" to "Maybe God has something up his sleeve when crossing our paths?"